“That’ll Be the Day”… We Ban a Buddy Holly Crosswalk

When state and federal officials decide “Rave On!” means “Remove It!” we’ve officially turned the gene pool into a kiddie puddle.

Have we lost our minds — or just finally admitted we never had them?

Some countries topple dictators.

Some fight corruption.

Some advance science or produce great works of art.

And then there’s us — America — heroically mobilizing the full weight of state and federal power to eliminate a deadly threat to national stability: a crosswalk painted in tribute to Buddy Holly.

Yes.

Buddy Holly.

The man who gave rock ‘n’ roll its heartbeat. The man whose glasses should be on the state flag.

The man who — if alive — would absolutely wonder why grown adults with job titles like Governor, Executive Director, and U.S. Transportation Secretary are treating a crosswalk like it’s a smuggling tunnel.

But here we are.

It all started when the City of Lubbock installed a few charming, harmless, delightful Buddy Holly–themed crosswalks near the museum that celebrates his legacy.

They weren’t political.

They weren’t ideological.

They were just… fun. Friendly. A reminder that Lubbock once produced something other than dust storms and Red Raiders football injuries.

City leaders figured, reasonably, “Surely the government has bigger things to worry about.”

Oh, sweet summer children.

Enter Governor Greg Abbott, armoring up like he’s about to liberate Normandy, issuing an October 8 directive that sounds like someone ordered ChatGPT to write a press release titled “How to Sound Authoritarian About Paint.”

“Texans expect their taxpayer dollars to be used wisely,” Abbott thundered, in a state that once spent millions building a border buoy obstacle course that immediately sank. “Not advance political agendas on Texas roadways.”

Sir… It’s a Buddy Holly crosswalk.

Unless “Peggy Sue” is now an antifa slogan, the only agenda is not getting hit by a truck.

Then comes TxDOT’s Executive Director Mark Williams, writing letters like he’s headmaster of a disappointed boarding school.

All cities, he said, must “remedy any non-compliant installations within 30 days.”

Remedy.

As if it’s mold.

Or corruption.

Or, you know, an actual problem.

And the rationale?

A federal guideline — sorry, THE SAFE ROADS Initiative — which apparently protects America from dangerous distractions, such as art, color, whimsy, joy, and anything created after 1950.

The U.S. Transportation Secretary even chimed in on July 1 with a vision for America’s future where intersections are free from “political messages, artwork, or non-standard markings.”

Artwork. ARTWORK.

The scourge of civilized people.

We have now reached a point where the Federal Highway Administration is essentially yelling, “NO FUN. FUN IS A DISTRACTION. FUN WILL KILL YOU.”

Meanwhile, drivers across Texas manage to operate motor vehicles while:

– texting

– drinking drive-thru margaritas

– balancing a brisket sandwich

– watching college football updates

– and towing a horse

… but heaven forbid they encounter a crosswalk shaped like Buddy Holly’s glasses. THAT’S the distraction that will bring down the republic.

Lubbock has until December 5 to either remove the crosswalks or produce a plan for their destruction.

A plan.

For a crosswalk.

Are we detonating it?

Are we evacuating the block?

Are we carefully scraping up the paint and giving it a burial at Arlington?

Have we drained the gene pool so thoroughly that this is what we fight about now — art on asphalt?

Buddy Holly once sang, “That’ll be the day.”

He was right.

This is the day America finally lost its damn mind.